


Even Angels Hurt

by Unicorn_BadAss



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, M/M, Possible Character Death, Read at own discretion, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, Wayhaught - Freeform, wyndolls - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-30 01:52:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15741711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicorn_BadAss/pseuds/Unicorn_BadAss
Summary: What if Waverly couldn't see past all the pain and emotions clouding her thoughts as Jolene continued to tear her down? What if the reminder of Wynonna, Nicole, and the rest of the team wasn't enough for Waverly to throw away the knife and confront her demons? What if Waverly listened to the thoughts inside her head and heart?Sometimes the idea of "what if" controls our thoughts so much to where we write our own story to fulfill those scenarios. An alternative ending to Wynonna Earp 3x05 "Jolene."*Warning* Possible triggers, mentions of suicide/self-harm, depression.





	1. No Lights to Guide Her Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Everyone!
> 
> Just as stated in the description, the constant wondering of "what if" kept running through my mind after the episode; literally to the point of insanity. So I decided to write out my own version of "What if Waverly actually tried to kill herself?"
> 
> Please do not continue reading if you are triggered by my mentions of depression, suicide, graphic depictions of violence, etc. I would hate to send anyone into a panic attack, depressive state, or anything else. Also, please remember that you are loved, wanted, and needed by at least one person on the planet.
> 
> -Me-

Waverly sank to the ground with tears cascading down her face like a waterfall while one single thought continuously circled her mind over and over again, stuck on replay while getting louder with each pass. My real father was a demon. I am half-demon. To end this curse, I must be taken out of the picture. Little did Waverly know that Jolene had been lying to her about her father's decent.

The muffled sound of Jolene's hate-driven voice rang in Waverly's ears; clear enough to understand that Jolene had been opening the door to the only solution Waverly could take to ease the pain, but still clouded enough not to make out the true bitterness behind the demon's words. No matter how much she knew those words shouldn't matter, Waverly still took each and everything Jolene said to heart: flushing out all the memories of her team that tried to fight back.

Looking up with sad, tear-filled eyes and a slowly disappearing heart, Waverly saw the intensity of Jolene's hate spilling out through her wide eyes and grim facial expressions. However, the thing that most caught Waverly's attention had been the knife Jolene held tightly in her hand as the demon slowly handed it off to Waverly. She didn't care about how the blade was facing in the direction of her own heart or how easy it should have been to through it away.

"Nobody loves you, Waverly. Why don't you do the right thing for once in your life," Jolene practically growled into Waverly's ear, causing shivers to chase each other on the way down Waverly's spine. Waverly wanted to take a deep breath, stop time for even just a split second, and think about the position she was in at the moment. But her lungs wouldn't allow her to take more than quick, shallow breaths and time wouldn't stop for anyone.

Glancing down at the knife in her shaky hands, Waverly began to think about how life would change for everyone around her if she would just listen to Jolene. She started to forget about how much Nicole, Wynonna, Mama, Dolls, Jeremy, Doc, and everyone else loved her as the memories of their hatred from the past day took control in her mind. I just make their lives so much worse... by simply breathing near them. _If... if I was gone, things would be so much smoother for all of them._

Waverly thought about how she wouldn't be holding Wynonna back anymore from breaking the curse and bringing Alice home. Wynonna wouldn't have to keep looking over her shoulder in order to check if Waverly messed up an investigation or research if she would just do it. Alice's return back to Purgatory, to her parents, and her home would happen so much quicker.  _Wynonna would never have to explain to anyone how I am only her 'half-sister' or to Alice the complications behind how we are related._

 _Nicole would be able to do her job to the fullest..._ Waverly winced as the memory of Nicole yelling at her played obnoxiously in front of her eyes: yelling for not mentioning anything about Mama, especially to an officer, and for always forgetting to keep Nicole informed. _If I wasn't here anymore, Nicole would be able to stop worrying about if I was going to mess things up for her job... Nicole would find someone who actually deserves her and is able to say 'I love you' without hesitation._

 _And Mama... she wouldn't even be in this mess if I wasn't ever born. She would have been able to stay in Wynonna and Willa's lives to protect them from harm... Maybe Willa would still be here if I hadn't been the one to drive Mama away..._ Waverly felt her hands tighten around the handle of the knife as the thoughts continued swirling inside of her head.  _Maybe Mama would have been able to help Daddy end the curse long before Wynonna or Willa would have taken over._

As her hands suddenly became sweaty while losing grip against the handle of the blade, Waverly's final thoughts pushed against any attempt the Universe made to save her from the demons. Only seconds passed within reality around her, filled with Jolene constantly reminding Waverly about her being a waste of skin or worse, an eternity happened within Waverly's head as she thought about every other member of the team, how much they wouldn't miss her or would be happy she was gone, and how much her being alive made their lives worse.

And for the first time in what felt like forever, Waverly finally felt the ability to breathe again. As her head ultimately made the final decision, Waverly's heart slowed due to relief and allowed her lungs to breathe in a way Waverly never thought possible. Noticing Jolene's wicked expression morph into a proudly evil smile, Waverly believed she was finally about to do the right thing in her life: she was finally going to make someone genuinely happy.

"Tell them... I did this... to make their lives betters," Waverly began explaining between her newfound breaths and the tears that managed to continue falling how her face. Jolene nodded eerily and eagerly while her eyes started flicking back and forth between Waverly's face and the knife in her hands. "Tell them... that even though they might not have loved me... I did this out of my love for them," Waverly finished as her voice faded, unable to fight anymore.

The knife in her hands started burning with anticipation, whispering through the contact its lust to feel Waverly's blood, soul, and life leave her body once and for all. Jolene's, now, soft-spoken words of encouragement to take that final step also filled Waverly's ears; along with the voices of Wynonna, Nicole, Mama, and everyone else screaming at her to get out of their lives. Their voices yell so many awful things inside Waverly's head, she almost couldn't hear anything else above the non-existent noise.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Waverly slowly moved her arms away from her body in order to have the maximum distance to build the maximum amount of force possible for when she would drive the knife through her sternum. With her eyes closed, Waverly watched as her entire life flashed before her eyes in a matter of seconds: some memories more clear than others. With her eyes closed and focused on her thoughts, Waverly didn't notice Jolene's growing anticipation or the sound of running getting closer.

She watched Daddy die (her fault); Wynonna get sent away or leave multiple times (her fault); Nicole being shot by Willa and almost dying more than once (her fault); Jeremy being hidden under her shadow (her fault), Doc being sent to hell and losing his daughter (her fault), Dolls attempting to sacrifice himself to save the team (her fault); and Mama having a mental breakdown when she visited the jail (her fault).

Waverly let out one last breath of air as time seemed to slow down around her, causing her senses to become acutely and hyperactively aware of everything happening around her body. The faint taste of all the whiskey, bourbon, and other various types of alcohol kept on the Homestead danced across the top of Waverly's tongue as she could feel each particle of dusk from the old Gibson Greenhouse enveloping her body through the air.

However, Waverly's eyes remained closed and her vision began to fill with the make-believe galaxy people would see when their eyes were shut; different hues of purples and greens striking against the stark black background of her eyelids. And the last thing Waverly coherently heard before forcefully driving the knife through her sternum had been the Greenhouse door busting open and mumbled screams overtaking a single gunshot.


	2. In the Eye of the Storm: Trying to Get out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter picks up from a few moments before the previous chapter ended. However, it is from the third person perspectives of Nicole and Wynonna.

Running through the snow for what felt like the millionth time that week, Wynonna could only focus her eyes on the Gibson Greenhouse in the distance while her mind remained completely focused on the task of saving Waverly. Wynonna did her best to keep going while ignoring everything happening in the world around her; Dolls practically jumping out of his still running jeep, Nicole and Doc bursting out from the Homestead, and Jeremy's questions screeching through her earpiece.

The first person to catch up with the speed of Wynonna's feet had surprisingly been Mama, to which Wynonna had no idea where she came from or how long they had been running side-by-side. Wynonna took her moment of shock to look not only at Mama (who wore an expression of concern, determination, and a hint of alcohol from Shorty's) but also at Nicole (who was gaining ground and decreasing her distance to Waverly exponentially with each stride of her long legs.)

Out of all the possible emotions Wynonna could have read/interpreted from Nicole's face, Wynonna first sensed the amount of love Nicole's heart and soul held for Waverly. Wynonna could understand quickly that the thoughts controlling Nicole's actions were solely based on making sure Waverly was fine and that they made it in time to stop the demon.  _Jesus, Haught. Even when we are running to save someone, your 'heart eyes' for my baby sister make me want to vomit. If only Dolls knew a natural expression other than resting bitch face._

When Wynonna, Mama, and Nicole reached the door for the Greenhouse first, Wynonna watched as Nicole carefully placed her right ear on the door in attempts to hear what was happening just on the other side of the wall. She couldn't help the action of listening before busting through the door as it had been one of the things hammered into her during her time at the police academy.  _Always listen before entering to assess not only the situation but if there are possible threats or casualties._

At first, Nicole could barely understand any of the noises echoing in her ears from the other side of the door due to the fact that the noises were hushed and she could hear feet shuffling behind her. Looking back at the rest of the group with a stern expression painted across her face, Nicole hurridly hushed everyone (earning a smirk from Wynonna and Mama Earp) before turning her attention back to listening through the door.

Nicole felt her heart rate increase dramatically as she heard Jolene's voice through the door, whispering horrible things to whom she assumed was Waverly in the barn.  _When I get my hands on you Jolene for everything you have done, I swear there will be nothing left for Wynonna to shoot and send to hell._ However, Nicole's thoughts were interrupted when she heard Waverly's soft voice on the other side of the door.  _What the hell do you mean tell them you are sorry..._

When the realization of what was occurring inside of the Greenhouse finally hit Nicole, she started attempting to kick down the locked door with the fear of being too late running rapidly through her mind. _Don't do it, Waverly... Please just hold on a few seconds longer... I need you to stay strong..._ Screaming as loud as she possibly could at the rest of the group for help, Nicole stepped aside as Dolls moved quickly to the door before kicking it down immediately with his insane, dragon-like strength.

Once Wynonna and Mama Earp ran through the door first, Nicole began pushing her way through the door (knocking both Dolls and Doc out of the way in the process, before a blood-curdling scream stopped her dead in her tracks. All of the air that Nicole thought she kept tight within her lungs had been forcefully taken away at that moment as she felt her heart shatter only mere moments after Mama Earp's scream entered her ears. She didn't know whether something had happened or if the sound of the scream broke her heart, but Nicole felt it in her soul that something was extremely wrong.

Running the rest of the way into the Greenhouse while the world around her morphed into slow motion (imagine the slow-motion depicted in  _The Matrix_ ,) Nicole's eyes were immediately drawn to Wynonna after the sound of a gunshot interrupted her thoughts. Nicole watched as Jolene fell to the ground lifeless and limp, with a bullet-hole directly between her now hazy eyes. Then she saw it: the reason why Mama Earp screamed horridly upon entering the barn, the reason why Wynonna suddenly had such good aim, and the reason she felt her heartbreak.

Forcefully shoving her body past the team, who suddenly had gathered around her in the barn, Nicole practically flew to Waverly's side due to each large stride of her long legs. Nicole's ears stopped properly working as her vision began to blur around the edges; as if all her senses were attempting to shut down in order to minimize the number of traumatic memories her mind would hold onto. But it didn't stop Nicole from jumping into action and going into a complete law enforcement mode while barking orders at everyone.

"Doc, get Mama Earp into the house. She doesn't need to see this or hear anything that is about to happen. Dolls: Call an ambulance and check in my Cruiser for a first aid kit. It should be in the passenger glove compartment," Nicole ordered with a stern voice she never knew was inside of her. Mama Earp's cries to stay with her daughter echoed in Nicole's ears as she heard Doc calmly getting Mama Earp out of the Greenhouse.  _Stay with me, baby... You are going to be fine... Look at everybody here who is fighting for you..._

Turning her head back for the first time since she reached Waverly's side, Nicole noticed the shocked and pained expression morphing across Wynonna's face; as if she wasn't sure if she should be crying, screaming, or out killing something right now.  _Keep it together right now, Earp... I can't help both of you at once no matter how much I wish I could. Waverly needs us to be strong right now if we have any chance of... of... saving her..._ Nicole gave Wynonna a look only she would be able to understand, hoping it would put her into action instead of shock.

As if something finally managed to click inside Wynonna's head, she took a deep breathe for the first time in minutes while taking her coat off and rolling it into a pillow for behind Waverly's head. With so much happening around her, Wynonna knew she needed to focus her attention on one physical thing in order to keep herself from passing out: but the thing her mind chose to focus on was the last thing Wynonna would have consciously picked.

Wynonna looked directly into Waverly's tear-filled eyes, her ears only hearing mumbles coming from the youngest Earp, and felt her own heart start to fade away as the light in Waverly's eyes started diming. Opening and closing her mouth as the connection between her head, heart, and mouth suddenly shorted out, Wynonna tried to think of the right words to say at that moment. Wynonna didn't even realize Dolls made it back into the Greenhouse until the words  _we have to take it out_ floated into her ears and the concerned look on Waverly's face filled her eyes.

"We can't just take it out... More blood will j-just start p-pouring out... and the pain i-it'll cause for Waverly," Wynonna managed to get out softly between shaky breaths as her hand tightly held onto Waverly's. Ignoring both Dolls and Nicole's argument for taking the knife out of Waverly's sternum, Wynonna moved closer to Waverly and cupped the youngest Earp's cheek before wiping tears away.  _I did this... I promised to always protect you and look at how that turned out... Baby girl, you are laying here covered in blood because I wasn't fast enough._

The sound of distant sirens coming closer interrupted Wynonna's thoughts long enough for Waverly get a small smile into Wynonna's field of vision before the rapid thoughts started tearing up her mind again. Completely tuning out the words exchanged between Dolls and Nicole as they did their best to stop the blood flow without removing the knife or causing more damage, Wynonna continued wiping tears from Waverly's eyes as she began whispering comforting words to the youngest Earp.

"I am so sorry Wynonna... With everything that happened... I couldn't keep fighting anymore," Waverly barely managed to say with her voice breaking on each word. Wynonna could hear Waverly's struggled breaths above the rest of the noise happening around her. But the thing that scared Wynonna the most was when Waverly's eyes finally turned a dull shade of grey and began fluttering shut while her chest slowed more with each second.  _Don't you dare fucking do this to me, baby girl... Don't you dare fucking leave me..._

Wynonna didn't realize she had been screaming those thoughts out loud as the paramedics rushed into the Greenhouse, trying to move her away from Waverly in order to have more space to begin working on saving the youngest Earps life. Tears steadily streamed down her cheeks while her throat burned raw with desperation before two strong arms wrapped around her waste: arms that Wynonna wasn't exactly used to or knew she needed until that moment.

Her eyes could only watch hopelessly as the paramedics placed Waverly onto a stretcher and carried her out of the barn faster than her mind could efficiently process everything that had been happening. Once Waverly was out of sight, Wynonna turned her entire body around in Nicole's arms and started crying harder than she ever had before while whispering small pleads for Waverly to be okay. Little did Wynonna know that Nicole was doing the same thing while using Wynonna as the one thing to hold herself together as the sirens disappeared in the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everyone!
> 
> So as I was writing this chapter, I realized that everything the story needed wouldn't be able to fit in the original two-chapter format I had planned. This piece is now going to have three chapters, the third of which I will do my best to have uploaded soon. Until next time,
> 
> -Me-


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